Epic Sardine

I head for the drinks and chocolate machine, tucked round a corner at work, and come upon the Sardine on hands and knees, nose under machine, grunting, snuffling and muttering to self...

Me (surprised): What on earth are you doing?
Sardine (muffled): I dropped my money and it rolled under the machine...trying to get it back...ooof
Me (sympathetic): Have you looked round the back? There's loads of room, I bet it has rolled through. (Goes round the back, retrieves one euro coin, returns, hands it over happily) Here you go!
Sardine (triumphant beam): Result! I only lost 50 cents! Get in!
Me:........(speechless)


(Anyone who knows S personally will realise this is so classic, it could easily have been made up. Nonetheless, he is a Very Nice Boy/Fish)

Threats to thrill

(at work)

Sardine (standing up): Did you take my chair?
Me (lounging) : Yeah. Makes a change one of US taking something from one of YOU. B****r off.
Sardine (sweetly but with underlying menace): Do you want to go back to the hospital?

Days of Blunder

(At bus stop)

Me (squinting at timetable): LuMaMeJeVe....that's a funny name for a place, where is that stop, then?
Long-suffering Stray: It's the days of the week, you dozy woman.
Me: Oh god, I AM brain damaged, aren't I? Oh god...oh god...(starts having wobbler)
LSS (resigned): No. You were like this before.

Lickety-split

Haribo (disdainful): ..that's just a**e-licking, if you ask me.
Me (agreeing): Yeah.
Haribo (moral): I could never do that kind of thing, urgh.
Me (pragmatic): Oh, I dunno. Depends how desperate you are. I would lick anything if I wanted it enough.

(cue extended and repeated cackling)

Need-to-know basis

Colleague: When's Mister?
Me: No, Westminster.
Colleague: Wents Missing?
Me: No, Westminster.