Just the ticket

(racing through France on the TGV)

SNCF ticket inspector: Is that your diary?
Me (scribbling furiously ahead of scary meeting): What? No.
SNCF: That's a shame.
Me (looking up again, scrunching up face in irritated, rodent-like grimace): Why?
SNCF: I was going to tell you to put dinner with me in for Friday night (wafts off airily).

Buttered Up

(She has gone home now so am safe to post this one)

Confused Parent (licking fingers): That was a lovely bit of battenberg. Ooh, I have just remembered, "Last Tango in Paris" is on BBC1 tonight. We can watch that.

Me (spluttering cake crumbs): Don't you mean "Last Tango in Halifax"? The one with Judi Dench and Derek Jacobi?

CP (blithely): Oh yes, sorry.