Something fishy

\(On metro)

Small person (pipes up): What is this station called?
Mother: Sans Souci.
SP: Sans Sushi?

Trolley Dolly

Flight attendant (standing at the front of the cabin, wearing pink, oversized, heart-shaped, Elton John-style sunglasses with sequins): Ok, riff-raff. We have now begun our descent, so please put your tables back up, fasten your seatbelts and make sure your shoes match your outfit. We do have baby-change facilities on board, so make sure you are happy with your choice before disembarking. Oh, and anyone who wants scratchcards, catch me as I mince down the cabin. Ta-ra!"

Who are you calling random?

Airport security person: Step this way please, I need to search you.
Me(whining): But I have taken everything metal off..belt...jewellery...everything..
ASP(placatory): Don't worry, sometimes the machine just picks random people.
Me: Oh, I see. It's obviously working fine today, then.

Mile-high club

Flight attendant with trolley en route to Liverpool: I've got a new man on the go.
Other flight attendant: You haven't!
FA: I have! He took me up that Ben Nevis the other day. (That'll be two pounds fifty or three euros, please.)
Me (thinks): Is that dodgy Liverpool rhyming slang?
OFA: Ben Nevis? Isn't that in Scotland?
FA: Nooooo. It's in Wales. (Mind ya legs, there! Wa comin' through!)
OFA: Don't you mean Betws-y-coed?
FA: D'you know, I always get those two confused. (Do you want that bag up above, love?)

On the piste

Me: yeah, so anyway, I left Liverpool at 10am and I was here on the sofa by 2pm, drinking coffee!
Piggy: Really? You should take that flight more often if it's that quick.
Me: It only goes in winter, its for the ski-ing.
Piggy: Oh, well. Where can you ski in Liverpool, then?