Singeing the King of Spain's goatee....

(up a mountain, looking down from a chairlift)

Me: You know, if you ask me, the Spanish just look wrong in the snow. It's not their natural environment.
Spaniard: Yeah. Like the British on the beach.

blue eyes

Man in cable car: Have you got blue eyes?
Me(nose pressed up against his chest due to the throng of skiers): erm, well, yes, erm...
Man(shouts over his shoulder): Hey Laurent! There's one over here with blue eyes and dark hair! Come and have a look!
Me: Oh God, Oh God....(endures the rest of the trip then bolts out of the door like a scalded cat when the telecabine stops)

On the piste

Me: yeah, so anyway, I left Liverpool at 10am and I was here on the sofa by 2pm, drinking coffee!
Piggy: Really? You should take that flight more often if it's that quick.
Me: It only goes in winter, its for the ski-ing.
Piggy: Oh, well. Where can you ski in Liverpool, then?