There's no place like foam

Spanish colleague (writing news-in brief-report): So what is this bloody foam stuff in Aberdeen , then?
Me (squinting, following text of wire report slowly with one finger): er...um..well it says here...phytoplankton...
SC: MontyPython?

(Part Deux..)

French colleague: Mor-PESS?
Me: No. MORRR-peth.
FC (with gallic flourish): MWAH-pess?
Me (weakly, due to laughing): ..nearly...

The Whipper-in

Removals man (sly smirk): What's this? (brandishes my dressage whip, flexes it and then starts smacking his colleague on the bottom, accompanied by pantomime yelps)
Me (failing dismally to bestow a Paddington Stare due to laughing): Oh, for God's sake (raises eyes heavenwards) Give me strength, Lord..

At the Tax Hotel

Me: Hello
(Severe-looking lady of a certain age, with a beehive hairdo and pince-nez eventually raises her artfully made-up eyes to mine and lifts her eyebrows slightly in inquiry)
Me (trembling, opts for best ploy): Hay dernt kner eef you haff noteees, bert hay am nert Frenssssh..
Pince-Nez (looks over her glasses, eyes twinkling discreetly): We all have our faults. How can I help you?

Shop talk

Me: Hey, I learned something really surprising today. Guess what is the world's oldest democracy?
Distracted parent: No idea.
Me (persevering): Ok, here's a clue. It has the same name as a high street food shop.
DP: Waitrose?




(In the interests of impartiality, accuracy, fairness, diversity and other editorial guidelines blahblahblah DP would like me to point out that she was, of course, joking.The answer, as I am sure many already know, is Iceland)