Plugging away at it..

Me: ...so anyway, that's two days now without internet, you have to understand, for me it's everything, TV, radio, telephone, email. Imagine if I had an accident! No one would know! Plus I am moving next week, worst time for it to go off. This only ever happens to me, it's not fair etc etc (continues plaintive squeaking for several minutes)
Computer expert (interrupting in a voice muffled by a large pile of boxes): I'll just put the plug back in the socket, shall I?. That'll be 49 euros, ta.

Another guest post!

"Hat"* to Laney who, after too many years in France, got his nouns and verbs mixed up while reading the headlines in the British press. Thus "Shop-a-looter" became a description, rather than an imperative.

* or "chapeau" as they say in France.

The game in Spain

Me: Do you want anything for the house? I am getting rid of loads of stuff.
Spaniard. Do you have a Playstation 3?

The return of the tax return

Imagine my surprise when, a day after putting a whopping cheque in the post for the tax office (and over a month before the due deadline), I find it back in my own postbox. I then realise I have, in fact, accidentally sent it to myself.

Wishful thinking.

The oldest swinger in town

Suave Frenchy: Do you know any swingers?
Me(spluttering): What?
SF: Swingers, you know, people who want to swap houses. My son and I could go to their house in the UK for our summer holidays and they could come here and stay in mine.
Me: I don't think you mean swingers.


(This is a serious proposition, apparently. There are others as well involving independently-minded English women, but I am not getting involved with any of that.)