Daddy's home.....

Stray (on phone): Yeah, no, it's been great, mate. We went to the Grand Palais, they have this exhibition on about Dennis Hopper..
Me (lounging, struggling to speak as mouth stuffed with Jelly Babies from M&S on Champs Elysees): Edward Hopper. It was Edward.

The Whipper-in

Removals man (sly smirk): What's this? (brandishes my dressage whip, flexes it and then starts smacking his colleague on the bottom, accompanied by pantomime yelps)
Me (failing dismally to bestow a Paddington Stare due to laughing): Oh, for God's sake (raises eyes heavenwards) Give me strength, Lord..