Who are you calling random?

Airport security person: Step this way please, I need to search you.
Me(whining): But I have taken everything metal off..belt...jewellery...everything..
ASP(placatory): Don't worry, sometimes the machine just picks random people.
Me: Oh, I see. It's obviously working fine today, then.

Foot Fingers

Piggy: Do you like this nail polish? I think it will look great in the summer on my foot-fingers.
Me: I think you mean TOES.

What's in a name?

Suave Frenchy: I went peeper
Me: What?
SF(insistent): Peeper. I went peeper.
Me(nonplussed): No, sorry darling, no idea what you are on about.
SF(irate): PEEPER. Zee seester off Ket Meedeltonn! She ees gowjoos.

Muzzle needed

I managed to bite the orthodontist this morning. He let out a yelp of pain, but I experienced a strange feeling of satisfaction....