Stupidity teeth

Suave dentist(removing rubber gloves with a snap): It is the wisdom teeth, yes..
Me: Unlikely, in my case, I would have thought. More like lack-of-wisdom..
SD: All four will have to come out.
Me(feeble, by now lying face-down in chair with hands and hair over face):...hamster...no...no
SD(not without humour):Well,..yes..yes..but one with nice big blue eyes, at least.

A Fishy business..

DaaaDA..DaaaDA..dadadadadadaDADADAAAAAAAA (Jaws music..)

Piggy's trotters

YUM!

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water..

*squeaking sounds*

"Are you crazy? The FALL will probably kill you!" (Oh, sorry! Wrong film!)

The FIN-ish

Boys steal my food

Quietly minding my own business at work, then footsteps approach...
Frenchie: Dahling! You look lovely today (starts to stroke my hair). Do you 'ave any food for me? Even just a leetle beet?

...a few moments later..
English(shuffles up, bleary-eyed): Bloody hell. I am SO hungover. You got any scran?

....followed shortly after by..
Spaniard (difficult to make out what he is saying, due to unlit fag hanging out of mouth): Holaaaaaa! Mmmmm...galletas....veni aqui....

...just when you thought the coast was clear...
Portuguese: Hey girl! What food have you got today? Gimme! Wax on! Wax off!

....not to be outdone by....
Russian: Are you trying to fatten me up for the orthodox Easter or something? Spaysiba!

.Me(peering into empty biscuit box): Bloody hell, it says here there were 48 in here. I have only had FOUR. Oh, for God's sake. Is bloody hunter-pilferer, never mind hunger-gatherer.

A healthy diet

White Coat: Think in terms of multi-coloured foods when you are working out what to eat..that should mean you get all the vitamins and minerals you need and it will keep you healthy.
Me(pathetically): Do M&Ms count?

Brain drain

In canteen at work...

Me: You know how these days I can cook and I eat a really healthy diet and go to the gym a lot and am a bit nerdy?
Sardine(shovelling in chicken pie): Yerth.
Me: Well, I am such a different person these days, I am sure that in hospital they actually took my brain out and gave me a new one and the old one is still in a jar there, on a shelf somewhere.
Sardine(laughing): Seriously, I don't think they would have kept it.