The Pearl Necklace

Me (stroking the furry, silky head of the small dog with bulbous goldfish eyes in the seat next to me in the train): You are lovely.
SDWBGE (from the depths of the handbag it is sitting in, wearing a ten-strand pearl choker, I know because I counted them): Yip (although was Frog dog so actually said "yeep")

What angel wakes me from my flowery bed?

Me (stroking smelly, dribbling pet while watching Henry IV Part I on TV): If the cat was a character in a Shakespeare play, who would he be, I wonder?
Resigned Parent: Bottom.

Knee bother

Pontius Pilates: NO! Knees APART! TOES together! No, not like THAT! God, you must be a rubbish date.