The sum of all fears

Professor (writing on board): E,s,1.5,j - (.5)squared + (.5)squared - .5 + .25, .2=2L, so (.8)squared + (.2)squared = .64 + 0.4. And THIS explains why the Monster Raving Loony Party have never had any significant representation in the UK parliament.

Me(stunned): Aaah. Now I understand....

Kinky Sets

Putnam, Robert. 1988. "Diplomacy and Domestic Politics:The Logic of Two-Level Games", International Organization 42:427-60

"....this theoretical approach highlights several significant features of the links between diplomacy and domestic politics, including the strategic uses of uncertainty about domestic politics, and the special utility of 'kinky win-sets'".

(Written, I am sure, with a straight face but certainly not read with one)

It's all Greek to me

Lecturer(writing on board):...Thus we can easily determine the meaning of the word from the following semantic analysis..the initial participle in the word "democracy" comes from the latin word, "demos", meaning "the people"...
Greek student(interrupting): That's a greek word, actually.
L: Is it?
GS:Yes.
L:Are you sure?
GS: Yes.
L: I have never been corrected on that one before.

Know your onions

MG(muffled voice due to nose in fridge): What's that? Eh? What?
LG: What on earth are you doing?
MG(shutting fridge door): I though I could hear the onions singing, but no, its just the CHIVES TALKING!!!!!
ME: hysterical squeaking for HALF AN HOUR

A bummer for Bomber

(In kitchen): beep-beep..beep-beep..beep-beep...beep-beep..beep-beep...
Bomber (alarmed): What the f***'s that? (looks around wildly) F*****g Hell! Is that my pacemaker?
Me (gripping worktop for support due to hysterical cackling): No. You've got your bum up against the timer on the cooker.